


Deadpool and Kali's Holiday Decorating

by bellamouse16



Series: Kali - The Avengers' Newest Recruit [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Christmas, Drinking, F/M, Happy Hoidays, Holidays, Marvel - Freeform, cursing, inuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 08:43:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13096518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamouse16/pseuds/bellamouse16
Summary: Deadpool is in shock when he finds out Kali doesn't really decorate for the holidays.  I guess they don't really celebrate the birth of Christ in hell.





	Deadpool and Kali's Holiday Decorating

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays! I hope everyone enjoys this!

Wade waltzed into the apartment.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Kali glanced over from her seat on the couch.  She was sprawled out in a matching pj set made up of tight shorts and a low- cut tank, both bright red with candy canes.  A mug with steam billowing from it was sitting on her bare thigh.  She didn’t seem to care about the heat from the cup in the least. 

“Hey, why are you here?  I thought you had a mission?”

“Finished it,” Wade said as he plopped down beside her.

He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and tugged off his mask.  Before she could react, he stole her mug and took a sip.

“Yummm, is this hot chocolate.”

“ _I hope it’s spiked. I’d love some peppermint schnapps right about now.”_

Kali leaned over, landing on Wade’s lap.  She kissed Wade, gripping his shoulder with one hand.  As he moaned into her mouth, Kali took the opportunity to snatch the cup out of his hands.

“This is mine,” she responded as she gave him another kiss and then sat down to drink her hot chocolate.

Wade whined as he tried tugging Kali back into his lap, but she shushed him.  He glanced around the apartment and realized how normal it looked.

“We’re not decorating for Christmas?”

Kali shrugged.

“It’s not liked we ever celebrated in hell.”

“ _She’s absolutely nuts.”_

“What about the candy canes?” he asked, gesturing to the pjs.

“You got me them.  They’re cute and they match your suit.”

Wade leapt from the couch, knocking Kali off his lap.  She landed with a thud onto the wooden floor.  She scrunched up her nose and glared at Wade.

“This won’t do.  I’ll just have to teach you the right way to do Christmas.”

Wade tugged Kali up and forced her to get dressed before dragging her out of the apartment.  On the way out, they passed Tony in the living room. 

“What are you two up to?”

“We’re getting a tree.  This one here, doesn’t have anything up in her room.”

Tony glanced at Kali with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well, I guess it makes sense.  The devil doesn’t celebrate the birth of Christ.”

“See, someone get’s it.  Wade was shocked to find out.”

“What?  You don’t want to decorate?”

Tony and Kali chuckled at Wade’s befuddlement.  

“I’ll leave you two to it, then.”

Tony went off to his lab while Kali was trying to refrain from laughing.

“I do, really.  It’s clearly important for you, so I want to.”

Wade made a face.

“I don’t want you to do it for me.  It’s not everything you know.”

Kali shook her head and wrapped her arms around Wade’s neck. 

“No, I want to.  I want to decorate.  Let’s get a tree.”

Wade shouted in excitement and tugged Kali out of Stark Tower.  He walked her a few blocks away to where someone was selling pine trees on a corner.  After they picked one out, Wade insisted on carrying it back to the apartment.  The two of them laughed as the tree left a trail of pine needles across the lobby.  They could already hear Tony complaining over the speaker that they better clean that up.  Wade set the tree up and a few strands of lights throughout the apartment while Kali microwaved popcorn and set the bowl down on the table in the living room.

“What’s this for?  A snack while we decorate?”

“No way!  We’re going old school.  Stark had some tinsel and ornaments dropped off and we’re gonna string some popcorn.”

“ _Obviously, we’re gonna eat some too, but that’s beside the point.”_

Kali rolled her eyes and went back into the kitchen to get more popcorn.  When she came back, Wade was texting someone.

“Someone need Deadpool to save the day?”

“Just calling in a reinforcement.”  Wade shoved his phone into a pocket and held up string.  “Let’s get started.”

The two of them sprawled across the floor, stringing popcorn on strings.  Wade threw a piece of popcorn towards Kali.  She caught it in her mouth, leaning back.  She almost choked when she heard someone knock on the door.”

“Will you hang the popcorn while I get that.”

“You betcha.”

“ _I hope that’s Spidey with the onesies.”_

Kali looked at Wade curiously, but continues to answer the door.  Unsurprisingly, Peter was standing there with a bag in hand.  He looked past Kali to see he Wade tangled in popcorn and twinkly lights already hung up in the apartment.

“Seems like you’ve made some progress,” Peter said, biting his lip to keep from laughing at Wade’s debacle.

Kali glanced back and started laughing.

“Wade!  The lights go on the tree.”  She turned back to Peter.  “Do you wanna come in?”

Peter chuckled,

“I’m fine.  I’m just here to drop this off.  Happy holidays.”

“Happy holidays, Peter.”

Kali took the bag and shut the door.  She pulled out two matching onesies, brown with hoods decorated with antlers and a red nose.

“Rudolf onesies?”

“You’ll look cute,” Wade responded as he finished putting the popcorn strings on the tree. “Toss me one.”

Kali giggled as they both got undressed and pulled the onesies on.  Wade tugged the hood down over Kali’s head. 

“What now?”

“Hot chocolate while we hang ornaments, and this time I’m making it.  You keep going with the tree.”

Kali was almost finished hanging glittery stars and colorful glass ornaments when Wade walked in with mugs topped with whipped cream, chocolate chips, and tiny marshmallows.

“What did you add in this?  Schnapps?”

“Close.”

Kali took a sip, ignoring the scalding heat.  Her eyes widened.

“Since when is vodka like schnapps?!”

Wade shrugged, ignoring Kali’s exclamation.  He gulped down his own drink.  They finished up the tree and then collapsed on the couch.  Kali laid her onesie covered feet on Wade’s lap while they started watching _Rudolf and Frosty’s Christmas in July_. 

“That stupid little snowman’s gonna melt all over them now, just you watch.”

Kali giggled as Wade continuously added in commentary while they watched. 

“How’s Rudolf gonna save the day, now?” Kali asked.

“Like always, he’s gonna light the path.  There’s isn’t much that bright ass nose can do.”  Wade paused for a minute before whistling.  “Damn, Frosty’s wifey is pretty hot, isn’t she.”

Kali choked out laughter.

“Hotter than me?”

“Never, babe.  Which reminds me.”

Wade reached into a pocket in his onesie and pulled out a piece of mistletoe.  Kali looked up at the mistletoe hanging from his fingers, now dangling over her head.  Her eyes flittered.  She leaned over, climbing on top of Wade and pulling him into a kiss that would’ve suffocated anyone else.

“I think this is my favorite part of Christmas.”

Wade slapped Kali’s ass, pulling her farther down onto his lap and grinding their hips against each other.

“I’ve gotta agree.  Merry fucking Christmas.’

“Merry fucking Christmas, Wade,” Kali said as she started unzipping his onesie and pulling him back into a kiss, Frosty, Rudolf, and the mistletoe completely forgotten. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays! I hope this was a fun read. As always, comments are appreciated and I try to always respond to them.


End file.
